Reverb 10 for December 27 – ORDINARY JOY

December 27 -Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

Nursing brings me more joy than I had thought. Yes, it is messy and complicated and patients can be infernally frustrating, but I still feel that it is such a privilege to be able to care for people when they are at their most vulnerable. The best moments in nursing for me aren’t in the critical moments when I’m making tough decisions about patient care or trying to keep a patient from the brink of medical disaster. The best moments for me come when I’m taking a patient history, helping someone with their medication, rocking a scared child. I feel joy when I know a connection has been made between myself and a patient. Despite the fact that nursing is such an intimate profession, it’s not very common to make a profound connection with patients because there is just so much to do in a shift. Most of my time is usually focused on just maintaining the status quo. Sometimes, though, I recognize a kindred spirit, or someone opens themselves up enough to trust in my care, or I get a “thank you” and that sustains me.

My mot joyful ordinary moment this year occurred during the days I got to care for infant A. at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. He arrived on our unit at about 9 days of age – so new to the world. I took such delight in seeing him grow and achieve developmental milestones over the months that I cared for him that the other nurses teased me. There is just something so magical about seeing a human being develop that it is hard not to be mystified. I knew that I wasn’t his mother but I felt such elation the first time he made purposeful eye-contact with me. I enjoyed being his cheerleader – encouraging him during feedings, quieting him after procedures, updating the medical team on his progress. I never once saw or met his parents in the 14 weeks I was on that unit. Their absence – complicated reasons I won’t go into – ignited a little fire within me that kept my anger on a low boil for weeks. I eventually got tired of wondering who these individuals were and speculating about their parenting abilities. Instead I focused on providing A. with lots of positive energy in the time I could give him. Just because I wasn’t his mother didn’t mean that I couldn’t love him in a way, too. My nursing care improved when I focused on communicating to this little babe that he was loved and cared for and going to do just fine in the world. Once I let go of the anger, I found there was certainly a whole lot more room for the joy.

Reverb 10 for December 4 – WONDER

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I spent 14 weeks completing my last clinical rotation for nursing school at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. CHOP, as it is unfortunately known, is a bit like Willy Wonka’s candy factory – few individuals are privileged to enter into a world where sheer medical magic takes place.

It seems that the world is divided into two groups: those that love and those that loathe children. The latter dismiss tiny humans as sniveling, whining, parasitic-like creatures who are infernally irrational and suck the joy out of life for those of us over 4 feet tall. We’ve all seen the caustic looks directed towards the exasperated parent in the grocery store or airport as they try to wrangle and uncooperative child into submission.

I am always amused by how quickly we forget that we were once children. Undoubtedly, we were all ill-behaved children at some points. I am frustrated by the fact that we expect children to act as though they are abstract-thinking adults. I am incensed by how quick we are to blame parents and consider them poor caregivers or disciplinarians*.

*I will concede that, yes, there are some rather maladjusted children, but this is not the norm. I will also concede that there are rather terrible, ill-prepared and ill-equipped parents.

Children are amazing, wonderful, mystical little creatures.

They understand much more than we ever give them credit for.

They are empathetic to a fault.

They are resilient and able to adapt rather quickly to change.

They have intelligence and wisdom beyond their minimal years on earth.

They feel everything acutely and completely.

They give wholeheartedly.

They love unconditionally.

They accept willingly.

I have had the benefit of having been able to care for infants and toddlers and teenagers and 3 hours per week of a behavior and development lecture to make me fully aware of the wonder of children. Others, though, might see the same things I do if they slowed down to accept children for who they are – a constantly changing constellation of thoughts, ideas, organic biological and psychological processes. They are works-in-progress; construction zones that say “please pardon our mess” as they bumble their way toward adulthood.

When someone tells me that they don’t like children, I am inclined to suspect that their dislike has less to do with any actual child and everything to do with themselves. That’s what makes me really wonder.